What Really Could Have Been?
by Izzi Creo
Summary: COMPLETE! How Did Sam & Phil Feel About Each Other That Day She Caught Up With Him? Two Out Of Two.
1. Sam's POV

_**Set when Sam & Phil had their 'moment' outside Sun Hill nick. (Episode where Phil rushed off to Cardiff because Alfie had an allergic reaction & Sam agreed to let Stuart move in with her) **_

_**How Did Sam & Phil Feel About Each Other That Day She Caught Up With Him? (One Out Of Two.)**_

**What Really Could Have Been?**

_**Sam's POV**_

"_You've started something now though haven't you?" I ask with a smile. "If I need to confide in anybody about him?"_

"_Anytime you like."_

His deep blue eyes bore into mine as we stand by his car, it's like he's peering into my soul. I can't let that happen though. I can't let him see how much I ache for him. How much I want and need him. He's been one of the best men to step into my life, even if we weren't exactly friends when I first arrived. But without those two years where we hated each other we wouldn't be where we are now. It's the history that makes us so close. Too close.

I feel too close to him, I feel like I need to say something to indicate me leaving and to stop him seeing the truth in my soul but I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back to Stuart when I could be here. I don't want to feel guilty for these feelings that I'm experiencing now before I leave and go with Stuart while letting Phil go home to an empty flat.

"_I've got a drink waiting." _

The words seem so empty, like a statement rather than an indication that I want to leave. That's the thing thought I _don't _want to leave but I have to. Sooner or later I'll have to. So now I turn to leave, pulling my eyes away from his.

"_Sam …"_

I go to turn back, my hearts thudding in my chest and I'm longing for all types of nice things to come out of his mouth. Even if he can't say them, just for him to pull me back and kiss me would be worth ten thousand words. Be it passionate or the softest brush either of us have ever experienced.

"_Hey!" _

Oh god, it's Stuart. No kissing for Phil and I then. I still turn back to him, hoping Stuart hasn't made him back down. I'm longing for him not to back down.

"_Not much fun at the pub after the Durante result, come on you I'm taking you for a meal." _

I look between Stuart, my boyfriend who's babbling on about pubs and meals, and Phil, my best friend who I long to be with. He looks so put out, annoyed that Stuart had arrived and ruined our what could only be described as 'moment'.

I'm desperate, it's now or never. I find out what he was going to say, dump Stuart then fall into his arms like the fairy stories I used to read Abi as a young child. One of the few things I ever did with her. But then I consider it. Do I really want a proclamation of love? I want something. I don't know what yet but I know Phil has it and Stuart doesn't. I decide to follow my instinct and turn back to Phil.

"_What were you saying?"_

He shakes his head, my heart stops hammering. It slows down and I feel my insides sink. Disappointment courses through my body and beyond anything else I hope it doesn't show on my face. I don't want him to realise I'm a needy old woman who wanted him to say something poetic and heartfelt. Not really his style. Occasionally soppy, but not poetic and heartfelt. Phil Hunter -- a guy who reads poetry and writes song lyrics while sitting outside star bucks and really understands why we have souls and what women actually want -- not really his style. Oh dear. I know what I really want though. And he's standing in front of me.

"_Nothing, go and enjoy yourself."_

Enjoy myself?! How on earth can I enjoy myself when I wish it was going to be you I was sat opposite at a romantic restaurant? How can I enjoy myself when instead of telling me everything I wanted to hear from you, you practically put me on a ship and wave me off to Stuart land? I stare at him for a moment, before I decide that maybe he wasn't going to declare love at all. Maybe he _was_ just going to say something heartfelt but _only_ as a friend. I smile, maybe Stuart is the right person. I turn away from him and catch Stuart up.

Stuart puts his arm around my shoulder and we set off to celebrate him moving in with me. But walking away I glance over my shoulder while he's talking about something or other and see Phil's car at a red light. A pang of regret. Wondering what really could have been?


	2. Phil's POV

_**Thank you Laura, Gemz, Emz, Leanne, Becca, Emma & Ruth for reviewing. Here's the final part for you guys. : )**_

**What Really Could Have Been?**

_**Phil's POV**_

"_You've started something now though haven't you?" _

She smiles that smile that has a hint of laughter within it, the smile that I like to look at to know that she's happy. Recently only Stuart Turner's the one who's been making her smile like that but right not, at this moment in time it's me. _Me. _I'm glad that I'm making her happy, she deserves to be happy.

Although soon, when Stuart's living with her he'll be the one who has to make her happy. I'll have to step aside to let him try and work out the key to her happiness. I could write a book and give it to him 'Key To Her Happiness'. Then in brackets (It's A Step By Step With Lots Of Pictures Because Anything More Sophisticated Will Confuse You. _Idiot.)_

"_If I need to confide in anybody about him?"_

"_Anytime you like."_

Out of nowhere this softness is in my voice, and then we're just staring at each other. The urgency to kiss her is here, more than ever before. Most guys want her for one thing, and that one thing would be extremely good, but I want her for more. I want to grow old with her because she knows me. She knows what I like and hate. What I need and don't need. Yes we'd argue about silly thing, but it's just what we do. I wouldn't need marriage or even children, but just to be able to wake up every day with her would be bliss.

Her expression is slowly changing, and I know she's about to break this magical moment where we're staring into each other's eyes.

"_I've got a drink waiting." _

I don't want her to leave, I don't think she wants to leave either. I believe she fells that she's got to rather than she wants to. And I know I'm going to lose her, I'm going to lose something that we never had to Stuart Turner. He can't give her everything that I can. In a split second I've decided what to do, tell her. Tell her everything, tell her how I feel and how much I love her. I'm just hoping it doesn't scare her away.

"_Sam …"_

I don't really know where to begin, how do you start a proclamation of love? Start mumbling garbage? Just say it quickly and hope for the best? Start reciting our life story before explaining that I actually have a point? Have a speech like they do in the romantic movies? That always makes the girls fall head over heels in love, but before I can even start up any way to talk the unthinkable happens.

"_Hey! Not much fun at the pub after the Durante result, come on you I'm taking you for a meal."_

She keeps turning, to me and then back to him. I can sense that she's longing to know what I was going to say. I was even longing to know what I was about to say. But I can't know, not with _him _stood right there. I don't want to confuse her. I may not like him but Stuart might make her happy after all. Even if it pains me to watch them happily together, I can deal with the pain. The hurt of seeing them if it means she's happy.

"_What were you saying?"_

She wants to know! I can tell her! No, I shake my head. I can't tell her, not now. It's too late for us now.

"_Nothing, go and enjoy yourself."_

She smiles at me appreciatively and I wonder whether it's a "thanks for not proclaiming love, this is easier" smile. She leaves with Stuart and I get into my car, which has had the car door open the whole time we've been talking. I drive away and stop at a set of traffic, stealing a glance in the rear view mirror I see it. I see her look back to where my car is. I smile despite losing her. She's wondering what really could have been just as much as I am.


End file.
